by Roopinder Singh

IN an exclusive off-the-record briefing in which he demanded anonymity because of the sensitive nature of the subject, a senior official of the Punjab government stridently sought to put to rest all speculation regarding the visit of the state’s legislators to the country known for all things scotch. “It is not only desirable but also necessary that state legislators continually educate themselves,” he said.

He strongly refuted the allegation that the honourable legislators had gone on a pleasure trip. “This is a serious attempt to examine and understand the process with which scotch whiskey is manufactured”, he said, adding that the team would visit various facilities with a view to drawing lessons which would be of immense help to such endeavours in the state.”

When asked if it was desirable that the public exchequer’s money be used for such trips, the official came back with the following argument: “Look at all the liquor shops in Punjab. Even in Chandigarh you have many shops in a single location, like the Sector 9 market. We need quality products for such up-scale showrooms.”

In response to a pointed question about the honourable members’ dietary excursions, he said that scotch egg was a staple with many members in the morning and scotch pancake’s at tea time. Some members had even tried the scotch pie. He pleaded ignorance about whether the members imbibed the more potent drinks that Scotland is also associated with worldwide.

His PA, who had been hovering unobtrusively in the background, taking notes and doing the things PAs do, however, pointed out that it would be rude to refuse traditional scottish hospitality and the members would be expected to do all they can to further the strong fraternal bonds between the scotch and Indians.

The issue of whether the ground water around Punjabi distilleries was polluted (as claimed initially) or not (as the state pollution control board later said), was dismissed off-hand. “How does it matter? We must be prepared for all challenges, extant or anticipated. Pollution is a global phenomenon and we must go globe-trotting to study it,” the official, who is a figment of this writer’s imagination, said.

Talking of global ramifications, a request has just been received for a high-powered committee to study the designs of the scottish kilt. “There is a remarkable similarity between the tartan design and the Madras check. “It is also not a coincidence that the kilt and the lungi are used to cover the lower part of the male torso. “We must examine if there is any patent violation involved in this, and while doing so we can also explore the possibility of manufacturing scottish kilts in Ludhiana,” said the official.

“Brilliant Sir”, said the PA, “other honourable members who have been complaining of being left out. We can take care of them now”. Scotland, here they come.

This middle was published on the Editorial page of The Tribune on July 21, 2010

Here are links to middles that I wrote, one in 1992 and another in 1994, which you may also find interesting. Please click on the headings given below to read them.

Civil action in uniform

What will we do without TADA?

Roopinder Singh

Bits about Bytes

When we learn, we generally use a step-by-step progression and this process of thought is known as linear thinking. We progress in a single direction through regular steps or stages, sequential. In our pursuit of knowledge, there are times we want to take detours, learn more about things that we come across and take the road less travelled…we want to indulge in non-linear learning.

Hyper card, an Apple software programme that allowed you to connect cards linking various pieces of information was the rage near the end of the 1980s. It was such an exiting time, since the programme allowed information to be presented in a way that was not linear, and thus added depth.

The Internet is the best example of the use of hyperlinking, since it allows a reference to a document that the reader can directly follow. The hyperlink points to a whole document or to a specific element within a document. Hypertext is text with hyperlinks.

As we progress in the world of knowledge, we learn that it can’t be compartmentalised into neat little subjects, but is actually interconnected in ways that often astound us. Recently, Chandigarhians were treated to a unique event, (courtesy the Chandigarh Lalit Kala Akademi and Arun Nehru, the son of the late Mr B K Nehru), Professor Bulent Atalay’s lecture on ‘Leonardo’s Universe’.

Professor Atalay is the author of Math and the Mona Lisa and Leonardo’s Universe. He is, the Washington Post says, ‘a true Renaissance man - an artist, archaeologist and scientist’. His education includes BS, MS, MA, PhD and postdoctoral studies, completed at Georgetown, Princeton, University of California-Berkeley, and Oxford University.

He is a professor of Physics at the Mary Washington College of the University of Virginia, deeply interested in art. The focus of his particular attention is Leonardo da Vinci, whom he calls a transformational genius. Like many ancient men of knowledge, Leonardo (April 15, 1452 - May 2, 1519) was a person whose expertise spans a significant number of different subject areas. He was an Italian polymath: painter, sculptor, architect, musician, scientist, mathematician, engineer, inventor, anatomist, geologist, cartographer, botanist and writer.

Leonardo’s unbound curiosity matched his powers of invention. Although only a few of his paintings survive, he is considered to be one of the greatest painters the world has seen and is regarded as the most talented person ever. His notes have design of a helicopter, submarine, and a telescope - hundreds of years before anyone else conceived them.

Prof Atalay’s lecture was a fine example of a non-linear experience in which anecdotes, algorithms and art were played out in various measures. He had the standing-room only audience at the Government Art Museum eating out of his hands, even when they didn’t fully understand him… like when he spoke about Fibonacci numbers, where every number in the sequence (after the second) is the sum of the previous two numbers: 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, …. Eventually, the Fibonacci numbers lead to the Golden Ratio: ? = 1.618 033, which has been used by architects and artists to produce objects of great beauty.

For many in the audience, the Fibonacci numbers needed some explaining. An art student sitting next to me Googled it on her mobile phone, and soon we had the answer, we, because she let me have a look at it too. It was great, because the experience became richer.

Time flew by and the lecture lasted longer than we expected. Prof BN Goswamy gave an Indian perspective in his lucid comments and I came back with a copy of Professor Atalay’s book. As he autographed it, I told him: “Your lecture will stay in our minds for a long time, and this book will refresh it.”

The book, brilliantly produced by National Geographic, became my companion that night and the next day, but after I read it, I wanted more, and guess what, I Googled and another world of information opened in front of it.

Since this was browsing in the real sense of the term, I went of excursions, hopped from one site to another, from one facet to another fact about the genius that was Leonardo Da Vinci. As often happens, Wikipedia became an important starting point, of a journey that lead through the Web Museum, Paris, Professor Atalay’s website, which is a fine multi-media experience with sound  and a blog in the National Geographic website . For those who missed his lecture, please catch them at YouTube.

I am determined to go on more such journeys. The clicks of the computer’s mouse, and a hyperlinked world of the Internet often come together to give me a sense of exploring the thrilling universe of knowledge, which is both empowering and invigorating. All thanks to hyperlinking.

This article was printed in Lifestyle section of The Tribune on July 21, 2010.

BlackBerry: The Inside Story of Research in Motion

By Rod McQueen. Hachette. Pages 320. Rs 495.

Reviewed by Roopinder Singh

BlackBerry: The Inside Story of Research in Motion

THE meaning of a word should be understood by the way in which it is used within its social context, said the philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein. When we speak of BlackBerry these days, we have not ‘Arundhatised’ the world with an unconventional capitalisation, but changed its meaning from that of a berry to an object that is the centre of a cult, in fact, the one that has become one of the defining symbols of business in action.

Research In Motion, the company that makes BlackBerry devices, calling them phones is too prosaic, is the best known and arguably the richest Canadian company, a trans-continental empire. It models, like Pearl, are considered to be the top mobile e-mail devices.

Talk about celebrity endorsement, President Barack Obama used his BlackBerry device for communication during his 2008 presidential campaign and became the first President of the United States to use mobile e-mail despite security issues. Marketing evaluators place this endorsement’s value between $25-50 million.

What is it that makes BlackBerry special? Rod McQueen had unfettered access to the people and facilities of BlackBerry and he spent four years meeting people. He gives us many answers in the book that proceeds in a fairly linear fashion as it describes how Mike Lazaridis family had to move out of Istanbul. The Greek family migrated to Canada. The author traces the school and college teachers, and fellow students of the founder and co-chief executive, of the company, and gives us their reminiscences as well as glimpses of the genius in the making. The University of Waterloo, Canada, became the incubator for many of his ideas and innovations. It was also an early proving ground and confidence builder for Lazaridis.

Right from the beginning, you get a feel of how the participants have collaborated with the author to narrate various episodes in their lives that have made the book readable. Research in Motion was incorporated on March 7, 1984. Over the next eight years, Lazarides hand-picked software specialists and the company worked on contracts for others, picking valuable experience and expertise.

Behind any successful entrepreneur is his finance person. Jim Balsillie, a graduate of Harvard Business School, did the financial engineering required to take the company forward after he joined in 1992 as vice-president of finance and business development.

BlackBerry’s ubiquitousness and reliability get another dimension as you explore the effort of the people who are truly gifted, daring and ambitious-the founder and his team. How did the BlackBerry name come about? A brand consultant came up with the idea, and the second B was capitalisation for symmetry! Not the most convincing of reasons, but it clicked. And so did the device.

Leapfrog, a wireless e-mail device was launched in 1998. It was launched as BlackBerry and since it was optimised for e-mail, it became a gadget that every corporate executive wanted desperately. That set the trend, and what fed it were good word-of-mouth endorsements from users, advertising, good service and innovative ideas.

The focus on the consumer is evident as we read about how the BlackBerry range has sold 7.5 crore devices used in more than 170 countries. However, along the way, there were problems, financial vicissitudes, a patent battle which is given in detail and accounting issues with the Canadian securities regulators. Both times the firm paid major sums of money to settle the issues.

Unprecedented access has given the author a remarkable insight into the people that have shaped the life at RIM and this is a fascinating read. A person with a right idea who knows that he alone can’t deliver it is very rare and Lazarides is a truly remarkable man who has turned his vision into a remarkable reality. How he and his co-CEO, Jim Balsillie, work together is truly a partnership to be cherished, as is the company’s democratic culture where much effort is made to listen to employees’ voices. Giving back to society is important and led by the twin CEOs, many company employees have funded meaningful projects around the city of Waterloo which continues to be the headquarters and the main recruiting ground for RIM.

As BlackBerry faces challenges from such powerful rivals as iPhone, and other smart phones powered with Google Android or Windows mobile operating systems, the company will need to continue to sharpen its innovative edge and deliver the best to users who increasingly expect multimedia experience from their BlackBerry devices.

Technological battle lines are drawn afresh ever so often and the army of techies at Waterloo prepares to win the battle, no matter who leads the charge of the Charge of the Light Brigade. But then, they have the advantage of having not one but two generals.

This review was printed in The Tribune on Sunday, July 18,2010

Parents must keep an eye on their children’s online activities

Roopinder Singh

Exploring a new world is certainly going to fill us with excitement, trepidation, thrill and a whole bouquet of emotions. For many children, the latest frontier is the cyber world. They explore it, discuss it, use it, share their feelings online … it is the world which they are totally a part of.

Often, I am called when people want to buy a computer, or discuss something about their children’s behaviour on computers. This summer vacation was also a similar situation, another time when I made myself somewhat unpopular with the children.

Where should a computer be in the house? “In a public area,” is my answer, one that often displeases children. I am among the parents who advocate placing the computer in a family room. Thus, the child is aware that he should not do anything, which he does not want his parents or siblings to know about.

When this is not possible for some reason, if the computer has to be kept in a child’s bedroom, make sure that the door of the room is kept open while the computer is on. This helps keep chatting and browsing activities in check. This simple advice is something that I believe in, and have advocated in my writing for many years now.

When children complain about privacy issues, my answer is simple: “Are you doing something that is wrong? If not, there’s nothing to worry about. No one’s going to be reading your letters or whatever, just keeping an eye on you overall activity.”

The Norton Online Family report, which has been released recently, says 70 per cent of Indian adults are in favour of giving children control over their own online activities. I disagree. The control should be in the parents’ hands and online usage must be governed with rules.

Naturally, being a computer-friendly parent helps, since you can share your experiences and understand what a child wants. To get back to the report, around 68 per cent of Indian parents say they have house rules in place surrounding their child’s use of the Internet, but only 34 per cent have actually set parental controls on their family computer. As many as 500 adults and 200 children, between eight to 17 years, were surveyed in India.

While 76 per cent of Indian children say they are more careful about their online activities than their parents, the report says: “Most Indian kids do not follow common sense rules while online.” That’s where you come in. Please sit down with your children and tell them that they should not give their e-mail IDs, addresses and telephone numbers to strangers on the Net.

Today, social networking sites and chat are a major part of online behaviour. You must encourage your children to let you know if they feel uncomfortable about the behaviour of anyone they are in contact with through their Facebook, Orkut or other accounts. Of course, they should not make an appointment, or talk to someone they have met on the Net without the parents’ approval.

The Norton report says that 77 per cent of Indian children have experienced some negative situation online but only 50 per cent of the Indian parents thought their children had such experiences. What are these negative experiences? Violent images, pornography, threat from strangers on social networking and other form of harassment on the Internet is seen as negative content for kids between eight years and 17 years.

While 92 per cent of Indian children say they follow their family’s rules for the Internet, remember, this is what they say, not what they do. Also, 24 per cent have done something online that they have later regretted. A shocking 83 per cent of the children said they “downloaded a virus”.

Specific software that warns parents if sexually explicit words etc are used can also help, but it is not a substitute for keeping a watchful eye. In any case it is a difficult balancing act. You want to keep an eye on your child, and at the same time you really don’t want to snoop.

You may feel that the Internet grants anonymity to its users. You often tend to go overboard if you feel that you cannot be identified. This is an illusion as most of the Internet users can be accurately pinpointed.

Sometimes, children feel that they can communicate better with anonymous persons rather than those who see and judge them everyday-their parents, peers and teachers. The elders have to make the effort to communicate with the children so that they do not feel the need to find empathy in cyberspace.

Chatting on the computer has become common, and it needs attention from both parents and children. The written word often has more importance than the spoken one, but somehow people think that if they write online, their words don’t matter much. Thus, you have mangled expressions, which can be tolerated, and also mangled thoughts, which are far less tolerable, and can come back to haunt those who expressed them years later.

What goes into cyberspace has a surprisingly long life, which can be embarrassing. Thus, you need to be careful. A website that educates both the parents and the children about chat room perils is www.chatdanger.com.

The Internet opens the world-parents and children must work together to ensure that a can of worms is not served along with the rich diet of information, communication and entertainment that is a staple of the Net.

This column was published in the Lifestyle section of The Tribune on July 6, 2010.

Talk to the Hand: The Utter Bloody Rudeness of Everyday Life, or Six Good Reasons to Stay Home and Bolt the Door

By Lynne Truss.
Fourth Estate, London. Pages 214. Rs 199.

Review by Roopinder Singh

PLEASE, thank you, excuse me, sorry —  expressions that smoothen human interaction and become a way to get out of millions of awkward encounters every day. In our public schools, children are told that these are “magic words”, which they are, indeed. Manners matter. That’s a fact.

Talk to the Hand: The Utter Bloody Rudeness of Everyday Life

Some time ago, I held open the door and stepped aside to allow a lady following me to precede us while entering a building. Out poured three young men without so much as by-your-leave or a “Thank you”, sweeping us aside, confident in their swagger and unconcerned in their manner.

Their action simultaneously triggered emotions ranging from bemusement to outrage, to plain and simple rage-quite out of proportion of the un-civic act that had happened. A glance at the fellow victim showed a similar reaction in her too, along with a bemused, resigned look.

We had just come back from a holiday abroad and seen orderly traffic, courteous behaviour of people in packed mass transit stations, and the total absence of blaring horns. Now this! It was intolerable. It was just not fair. Why is it that we react so violently when we are confronted with a situation in which the other party acts as contrary to the rules that define good conduct and behaviour?

Good manners are basically rooted in empathy for the feelings of others. Naturally, a rude person is often taken as much more than a lout. Sometimes we even take a leap and erroneously equate uncivil with immoral.

We have a Hobbesian notion of a world without rules and good conduct and even thought we are in no danger of returning to what the 17th-century philosopher called “the state of nature”, where life is “solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and short”. We want our world to be orderly where people are well mannered and courteous.

Lynne Truss, who wrote the best-selling Eats, Shoots & Leaves, on bad grammar in everyday life, now takes on bad conduct, in her book, which has been released in India now. The title, “Talk to the Hand, (because the face ain’t listening),” successfully introduces us to this delightful diatribe against the erosion of manners in everyday life. She is anecdotal, and also quotes from a variety of sources as she takes us on an instructive, opinionated and sometimes erratic tour of the manner-less world.

“Just as the rise of the Internet sealed the doom of grammar, so modern communications technology contributes to the end of manners. Wherever you turn for help, you find yourself on your own,” she says. Anyone who has to deal with an automated voice service, so much of a darling of banks, corporations and others of their ilk, will assert how maddening the process of navigating through their system is. We are seeking help, and we find that, to use Truss’ phrase, “there is an unacceptable transfer of effort.” The system is not designed to put the consumer’s requirements first, and is, therefore, frustrating.

Devices like mobile phones give us freedom, and also somehow create a situation in which we believe that we are in isolated bubbles even as we are in a crowd, we talk and others listen, we share all on Facebook and Twitter. Like the 1897 quote from The Times prophetically announced: “We shall soon be nothing but transparent heaps of jelly to one another.”

Truss does rant from time to time, and actually echoes us during our exasperated moments. Here is an interesting one: “The effect of all this limitless self-absorption is to make us isolated, solipsistic, grandiose, exhausted, inconsiderate, and anti-social. In these days of relative affluence, people are persuaded to believe that more choice equals more happiness, and that life should be approached as a kind of happiness expedition to the shops.” Rants, even those concerning boorish behaviour, get boring if they drag on. Sometimes they do so in the book. Occasionally you want her to say what exactly you should do in a particular situation, instead of just raving about it. Some examples are too British, even for Anglophile among us, and at times you long for the sure touch that was exhibited in Eats, Shoots and Leaves.

Truss, however, had touched on a subject close to the heart of millions of people who simply fail to understand the way the social order around them is devolving at a stunning pace. This is unacceptable. Tehzib or manners are fundamental to civilised societies and the last word on this must go to the American who wrote Etiquette in 1922, the famous Emilie Post: “Beneath its myriad rules, the fundamental purpose of etiquette is to make the world a pleasanter place to live in, and you a more pleasant person to live with. Amen”.

This review was published in The Tribune on July 4, 2010